Thursday 12 January 2012

Rant

I don't like to rant but I think today I deserve one because today went terribly.  Well, this morning anyhow.  This rant includes a certain person who I have never spoken to before but am now sure that they are metally incapable of doing anything at all.  ANYTHING.

So I got into school this morning for my English Lit re-sit with plenty of time and strutted off to the pavilion with my cronies only to find two boys with a yellow poem anthology.  I thought this was strange as they are meant to be provided in the exam but the two boys insisted that they thought that too but had been told to get one anyway because the exam board weren't providing them this year.  Whoever told them this piece of information is also on my hate list but we'll come to that later.  So off I rushed (I don't usually rush so this was rather impressive) to go and grab an anthology from English.  Only English was deserted.  On the whole two floors, there was not ONE fucking English teacher.  This is where I began to stress.  So off I rushed (double the rush) to the staff room to see if I could find my English teacher.

Last year I wandered into the staff room looking for a physics teacher only to be quickly ushered out of the room by a rather dishevelled looking woman telling me that 'I wasn't supposed to be in there' so I was pretty apprehensive.  I looked through the door into the staff room and I don't think I've seen that many teachers in such close proximity.  I felt claustrophobic just standing outside the room, never mind inside it.  It should be highlighted here that I don't think I ever intended to enter the room, only stand outside hoping to catch the teacher's eye.  This hope was quickly dashed due to the shear number of people there.  Luckily my form teacher was about to enter the room and my first instinct was to warn her of the danger ahead, then became more level headed.  I explained my situation and asked her if she could go in and look for any English teachers for me.  She preceded to take two steps into the room and crane her neck to see if she could see anyone.  'There's so many people in here, I don't know if I can see any English teachers Alex'.  'Brilliant, you just did exactly what I just did, thanks for the help', I said.  Okay, I didn't really say that last sentence...I was too busy trying to stop my head from exploding.  After a couple of minutes of looking and doing nothing she bucked her ideas up and wandered off to grab someone.  She gave me a man I'd seen around school but didn't know his name.  Apparently he was the 'English technician' but I seriously doubt the English department has a technician, unless there job was to sit around and do fuck all all day.

Anyway, this guy was again, completely useless.  After 15 minutes of him searching and me shitting myself, Sally popped up and told me that everyone had gone into the exam.  Thanks Sally.  She then wandered off again.  I wanted to die.  Then, out of the blue, my guardian angel arrived:  my English teacher.  'Miss Brady!', I called, running down the corridor towards her, arms open wide for an embrace, 'I need your help!  Your technician is a complete imbecile, please help me find an anthology!', I cried.  So she walked into the store room and picked up an anthology.  The same store room Mr Incompetent Fool had looked in for about 5 minutes trying to locate one.  They were on a shelf.  In plain fucking sight.  I wanted to kiss her, but there was no time for romantics, so off I ran to grab my equipment.

At the pavilion, the Sixth Form team and Sally were gathered around looking worried and being completely useless.  'Oh, got one?  Good!' one of them said half-heartedly.  Mrs Robinson came over and reassured me that I'd be fine and that I should just calmly walk down into the hall and that I had plenty of time.  She was very nice.  So off I trotted, happy that my ordeal was over and that I still had the majority of the time needed to complete the exam paper.

I entered the exam hall.  Everyone was working and it was completely silent so I basically tip-toed down to my seat.  I was row A and so headed to the left of the hall and then down, noticing there was a spare desk towards the front.  Mine.  Wait.  I looked at my hand and a large black biro scrawl stared back at me: A7.  I looked back.  Someone was in my seat.  Now, here is the point of my entire rant.  This boy, who shall be known as 'JP' looked up at me and seemed slightly confused.  I tried to insinuate as quietly as I could that he was in the wrong fucking seat but he just stared back at me like a sheep.  I looked back towards what was probably A3, trying to reassure myself that if I sat in the wrong seat everything would be okay but I knew deep down that it wouldn't be.  Sitting in that seat would be admitting defeat to this....there is no word for the stupidity of this person.  Before you get all annoyed at me for thinking this kid was a complete retard, just think for a second.  This person is unable to look at a board and go, 'Ah, I'm in seat A3'.  No, that is too hard for him. He obviously just goes into the exam and just sits down somewhere.  I don't even know if he was doing English, maybe he just wanted somewhere to sit.  I'm also slightly confused as to how he's managed to get through every exam in the wrong seat, not only because it would mess up administration, but also because he is also blind/can't read so how he possibly completes any exam is beyond me.  Anyway, the invigilator came over and asked me my name, which I told her and she took me to my seat where 'JP' realised that he was a fucking nonce and moved to his proper seat.  I'd also like to point out that 'JP' later told someone that I was a 'dick' for moving him.  I don't even know what to say to that.  People like this shouldn't be allowed to be born.

So I sat down...
                         ....and on my table
                                                      ....was a fucking yellow anthology.

Wow.  That felt very cathartic.
Thanks for reading.  I hope you understand how stressed I felt and hate this complete idiot as much as I do.
Alex

2 comments:

  1. Good god man. I can feel your pain. The twist at the end of your tail; 'wAs a fucking yellow anthology'.

    God bless ye Soul.

    I agree with the staff room. For seven years ive been at this school. About five times i have ventured into the depths of that sinister room. The teachers become animals. They look at you with utter and outright hatred.

    /end minature rant

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  2. Haha thanks.
    The staff room is the closest we'll ever get to seeing most teachers outside of school. And that's as close as I ever want to get.

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